sex and the city friends.

i was watching the dvd commentary for the tv show, “parenthood,” and it talked about how every show is based on a fantasy. i think the fantasy of “parenthood” is being close to your brothers and sisters when you grow up.

the fantasy that hooks me every time is super-close friendship– particularly the kind that bonds a bunch of girls or women together– “the baby-sitters club,” “little women,” “sisterhood of the traveling pants,” “the fabulous five,” “sleepover friends,” “golden girls,” “designing women,” “the gilmore girls,” and of course, “sex and the city.” i think i could get into something similar about guys, but that rarely happens. “the broken hearts club?” “queer as folk?”… “how i met your mother”?… but anyway, the kind of “talk about anything over brunch, be there when you are sad, make each other laugh, know each other so well” friendship is my big tv fantasy.

with moving around so much, i haven’t had a lot of it. i definitely had it in college, but since then, it takes so long to get close to someone, and all that grownup busy-ness crap that keeps you from collapsing on each other’s couches at 2 in the morning and going out for brunch on a tuesday morning and just stopping by makes it hard.

part of it is that, although i am pretty good at reaching out when i am sad, i’m also bad about what to do with other people’s needs. my social awkwardness makes it difficult for me to reach out and plan things for fear of bothering people… there’s the quaker meeting which has been wonderful, and as a big, rich, thick safety net of wonderful people, it’s wonderful, but after 5 1/2 years, i’m still quaker bff-less. which is probably okay.

but anyway, things have been really hard for my girlfriend and me since 2012 started. not our relationship, that’s really amazing, but some crappy circumstances have hit us really hard. and so, i’ve been calling people. “can you come over? we are sad.” and the people i’ve called have been wonderful. it turns out i do have “sex and the city” friends. they’re my girlfriend’s friends too– in fact that is what has made me brave enough to call them. because i know she is wonderful and always trust that of course people will be there for her. maybe i’m a bit more like big at the end of the first movie when he calls her friends up to surprise her and they all eat together, but that’ll work, too.

(actually, we’ve decided we are charlotte and harry. “not all day every day. but every day.”)