Posts tagged ‘hugs’
it’s one in the afternoon.
i’m bleary-eyed and foggy after a week-long trip to the pacific northwest, going broke on donuts and coffee and cute independently produced art. my back is cramped from too many types of beds and my sinuses are going crazy.
but the trip was amazing. it was amazing to see all of the wonderful places i used to know so well. olympia has really barely changed, and then as we were driving out of seattle in the pouring rain, i thought that i could have just as easily wrapped myself in coffee and KEXP as i did when I was 23 years old.
we saw people, but just a select few. those selections always make me feel guilty, but if i saw all of the people i wanted to see in all of the places we spent a day and a half, i would be even less functional today than i am, and i would have been a basketcase all trip, trying to coordinate schedules and transportation. instead, it was just 1 or 2 sets of folks each place. and that was perfect. except for that whole leaving people out thing. someday. someday there will be infinite time to see all of the dear ones. (that’s what facebook is for, right?)
i miss it all, you know. that’s the trouble with me and all the moving i’ve done. there’s always someone to love, but there’s also always someone to miss. there are places that stay achingly the same and there are places that change beyond recognition so you’re afraid of going back. and there are people who hug the same and people who talk the same and people who have lost weight and people who are now in love and people who still knit and people who make you laugh until you cry and people you want to stay up talking to past 3 am and people who have known you since you were a person who embarrasses you now… and i’d like to have you all in my pocket or as my upstairs neighbor, but instead you are flung out and scattered like the stars.
friend six, who i will refer to here as aidan, is an intriguing mix of boundless energy, sexiness, and generous kindness. i’ve always known about the first two elements of his personality and frankly, it’s been a little intimidating. he went to school with my ex and was part of that circle of friends, coming all the way to seattle for a party, telling me about good places to eat in olympia, knowing the cool people. i’ve never not liked him, but as a kind of shy, homebody type of person, those aspects put a little bit of distance between us.
but then, more recently, i had a bit of a crisis, and posted a request for phone numbers of people i could vent to, and his was the first that came. it was like some psychic link had been forged because honestly, he’s one of a very small handful of my facebook friends who has actually dealt with the particular situation that i was (and am) dealing with, and his advice and support at this particular is like gold. every once in awhile, i get “hugs” messages from him, out of the blue, and forget why i was ever intimidated.