Posts tagged ‘privacy’
i was recently talking a good friend on the phone. she, like my girlfriend, is much less into the social media than i am. in fact, when my girlfriend knows i will be talking to her, she says to say hi to her “non-facebook friend.”
we were talking about our various ways of dealing with people and our desire for new people to connect deeply with, and after talking about how private she and my girlfriend are, i talked about how i tend to approach new people (not all new people, just the good ones) with something like that book are you my mother? except my version is “are you my new bff?”
it’s so hard for me, the level of shallowness of relationships being a grown-up sort of necessitates. there are people i am close to, but man, i want the grown-up version of sitting outside of dorm rooms sharing secrets with almost-strangers.
i think of things like this blog and facebook like that, but one reason i’ve been lacking in posts over here is because of how creepy the motives of facebook seems to be. as a human, in dealing with humans one-to-one, i think of oversharing as a way to stay safe almost– if there are no secrets, no one can find out your secrets. but then, these days, big brother is a reality in ways i can’t fathom.
i think of blogs as being like the end of the movie pump up the volume when all of the radio stations start popping up. it’s magical. and it makes me nauseated when i think that the reason these services are free is that data is being collected like mad. i dislike when my naivete is shattered, y’all.
the importance? pretty important.
but part of this project, part of my experiment in online existence at all, is to figure out what is guarded and why, and the differences people have for their guarding. i tend to be an open book because there’s less to ferret out that way. and in general, i’ve found that people who have honest public presences can help others who are afraid of bits of themselves. but i guess for me, part of me holds a little bit of a grudge against “keeping personal things private.” we tend to hide so much from each other each day, and so taboo subjects stay taboo. of course, there are professional reasons to keep things quiet, though, and that makes sense. i googled myself today and think things are looking pretty okay– mostly my names come up with regional weather or sports topics.
i’ve discovered that many people find writing much more difficult than talking. this has lead to a tiny bit of soul searching as i discover that i actually think of writing as basically “talking, permanently, with my hands.” i talk like i write and was accused of being a walking dictionary in high school, and i write like i talk which means it’s pretty casual, unedited, and honest. actually, there’s a slight difference in the writing, because it takes just a little bit longer so i can be artfully cutesy and clever.
this project has a lot of intentions, some i’ve figured out and some i haven’t. one is one that i’ve talked about a few times here– exploring online existence and how others do it. and then there’s the aspect of celebrating my friends. in that, there’s a little bit of a “i want to look like the most popular boy in the school” and that’s something i need to keep a handle on, but mostly it’s just me gleefully getting to tell all y’all about how lucky i feel and how wonderful all these people are.
but there’s this whole other thing that’s been coming up. based on people’s suggestions, i’m going to people first to ask their permission to post about them. there’s a standardish message i send out, explaining how i know this whole thing is odd, but i wrote about them, and would they give me permission and should i use a name and/or picture or not. some people respond right away, some people haven’t responded after multiple weeks, one person wants to meet up with me in person. but my plan with the project is to give a me-filtered snapshot of each friend. and that means that maybe for the first time, some things are being said. i am honest and positive, but sometimes a little confessional. past crushes and awkwardnesses are coming out. every profile is first a private moment and then a public one, basically winding up with me posting naked pictures of my friends on the internet– except i’m the naked one, not them.
one more thing– i’ve had people ask about doing something like this, and i had a mini possessive freak-out. but really, if you want to do this project, you should. but i will warn you, it has the potential for some exceptionally awkward moments in your life. be warned.
surprise! i am employed and shockingly this means i have found like i have less time to write. the kids haven’t even arrived yet. watch out!
also, i’ve got a small queue of people who i’m waiting to hear back from, and the next people in line to be written about are all people who are more on the private side of things, personality-wise, so i am doubtful i’ll hear back from them quickly and so that adds to how long it’s taking me to write about them.
so i will ask another question, since that last one was such a hit:
tell me about how you view yourself as a public or private person. how much do you feel comfortable “putting out there?” or just talk about public and private personae in general, if that’s too personal.