Posts tagged ‘project’

i just don’t know what to do with this blog.

i was recently talking a good friend on the phone. she, like my girlfriend, is much less into the social media than i am. in fact, when my girlfriend knows i will be talking to her, she says to say hi to her “non-facebook friend.”

we were talking about our various ways of dealing with people and our desire for new people to connect deeply with, and after talking about how private she and my girlfriend are, i talked about how i tend to approach new people (not all new people, just the good ones) with something like that book are you my mother? except my version is “are you my new bff?”

it’s so hard for me, the level of shallowness of relationships being a grown-up sort of necessitates. there are people i am close to, but man, i want the grown-up version of sitting outside of dorm rooms sharing secrets with almost-strangers.

i think of things like this blog and facebook like that, but one reason i’ve been lacking in posts over here is because of how creepy the motives of facebook seems to be. as a human, in dealing with humans one-to-one, i think of oversharing as a way to stay safe almost– if there are no secrets, no one can find out your secrets. but then, these days, big brother is a reality in ways i can’t fathom.

i think of blogs as being like the end of the movie pump up the volume when all of the radio stations start popping up. it’s magical. and it makes me nauseated when i think that the reason these services are free is that data is being collected like mad. i dislike when my naivete is shattered, y’all.

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March 27, 2012 at 1:33 am 2 comments

oh my stars.

good morning.

it’s one in the afternoon.

i’m bleary-eyed and foggy after a week-long trip to the pacific northwest, going broke on donuts and coffee and cute independently produced art. my back is cramped from too many types of beds and my sinuses are going crazy.

but the trip was amazing. it was amazing to see all of the wonderful places i used to know so well. olympia has really barely changed, and then as we were driving out of seattle in the pouring rain, i thought that i could have just as easily wrapped myself in coffee and KEXP as i did when I was 23 years old.

we saw people, but just a select few. those selections always make me feel guilty, but if i saw all of the people i wanted to see in all of the places we spent a day and a half, i would be even less functional today than i am, and i would have been a basketcase all trip, trying to coordinate schedules and transportation. instead, it was just 1 or 2 sets of folks each place. and that was perfect. except for that whole leaving people out thing. someday. someday there will be infinite time to see all of the dear ones. (that’s what facebook is for, right?)

i miss it all, you know. that’s the trouble with me and all the moving i’ve done. there’s always someone to love, but there’s also always someone to miss. there are places that stay achingly the same and there are places that change beyond recognition so you’re afraid of going back. and there are people who hug the same and people who talk the same and people who have lost weight and people who are now in love and people who still knit and people who make you laugh until you cry and people you want to stay up talking to past 3 am and people who have known you since you were a person who embarrasses you now… and i’d like to have you all in my pocket or as my upstairs neighbor, but instead you are flung out and scattered like the stars.

November 27, 2011 at 9:10 pm 2 comments

why i’m doing this.

the other day, i was talking with my friend in her car. we were talking about facebook. she was saying that facebook makes her feel exposed and anxious. i was saying that i have other friends that feel the same way (my girlfriend of 4 years doesn’t even have a facebook), but that it’s the opposite for me. i feel strangely secure, wrapped in my facebook friends.

i don’t know if it’s because i’ve moved so many times, or because i’m an xnfp, or because i’m an only child or a taurus, or d) all of the above (that is my guess, though), but for me, the connections i find on facebook feel real.

in a few other conversations, i’ve also expressed how i probably think of at least 250 of my 579 facebook friends as “bff’s” and another 100 or so are people that i wish were bff’s. i estimate about 100 of my “friends” are not people but places and things. so there are really only about 100 or so people on my facebook who i think i relate to in the way you’re “supposed to” relate to your facebook friends– casual acquaintances who you…

i don’t really do casual acquaintances actually, very well, so i’m not even sure what you do with them.

July 26, 2011 at 7:15 am Leave a comment